Grief is deeply personal. There is no right way to grieve, no set timetable and no expectation that you should simply “move on”.
Life has a way of bringing us changes we never expected.
When something or someone important to us is lost, our world can suddenly feel very different. Yet there can be an expectation – from ourselves or from those around us – that we should stay strong, keep busy and somehow carry on as before.
Sometimes we can.
And sometimes we simply need support.
What Is Grief?
Grief is our response to loss.
Although we most often associate grief with the death of someone we love, we can grieve many different kinds of loss.
You may be grieving:
- the death of someone important to you
- the end of a relationship or marriage
- changes to your health or that of someone close to you
- the loss of a job, career or financial security
- retirement and the change in identity or purpose that can accompany it
- children leaving home or changes within your family
- moving away from a home, community or way of life
- the loss of independence or ability
- a friendship that has ended or changed
- a future you expected or hoped for that will now be different.
Sometimes a loss is clearly recognised by the people around us.
Other losses can be less visible, but that doesn’t necessarily make the grief we experience any less significant.
If something mattered to you, its loss can matter too.
Grief Is Deeply Personal and Ever-Changing
There is no single way that grief should look.
You may experience sadness, but grief can involve so much more than sadness.
You might feel angry, anxious, guilty, relieved, frightened, confused or numb. Sometimes you may feel several of these things at once. At other times, you may wonder why you don’t feel very much at all.
There may be days when you feel more like yourself and then, seemingly without warning, something brings your grief very close again.
A song.
A photograph.
A familiar place.
A birthday or anniversary.
Someone asking an innocent question.
Or sometimes nothing you can identify at all.
This doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.
Grief can change from day to day and even from moment to moment.
Grief Can Affect the Whole of You
Grief isn’t experienced only in our thoughts and emotions. It can affect us physically and influence many areas of everyday life.
You might notice changes in your:
Sleep – struggling to fall asleep, waking during the night or wanting to sleep more.
Energy – feeling exhausted by things that previously felt manageable.
Concentration – forgetting things, losing your train of thought or finding decisions difficult.
Appetite – eating more or less than usual or simply losing interest in food.
Emotions – experiencing sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, fear, numbness or emotions that seem to change unexpectedly.
Body – feeling tension, heaviness or other physical sensations associated with stress and emotional strain.
Relationships – feeling disconnected from others or finding that people don’t always understand what you need.
Confidence and identity – wondering who you are now, particularly when your relationship, role or circumstances have changed significantly.
Enjoyment of life – finding that things you once enjoyed feel different or wondering whether it’s okay to experience happiness again.
These can all be understandable responses to significant loss.
There Is No Timetable for Grief
You may have heard people talk about the “stages of grief”.
While models of grief can sometimes help us put words around our experiences, grief isn’t a neat journey through a series of stages that we complete one after another.
Your experience is your own.
There isn’t a date by which you should feel better.
There isn’t a point when you should have “got over it”.
And having a difficult day after a period of feeling stronger doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or returned to the beginning.
Over time, grief often changes.
The loss remains important, but our capacity to live alongside it can grow.
Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean Moving On
This distinction is very important to me.
Moving forward isn’t about forgetting someone you love, diminishing what happened or leaving an important part of your life behind.
Nor is support about removing every feeling of sadness.
Instead, we can begin to create more space around our grief.
Space for memories.
Space for connection.
Space for the life that is still here.
And, when the time feels right, space for new experiences, meaning and hope.
We can carry our memories with us while also making room for our future.
When Might Grief Support Help?
You don’t need to wait until you’re at breaking point before seeking support.
You might consider reaching out if you’re finding that grief is affecting your everyday life, you’re struggling to understand what you’re experiencing, or you simply feel that you need somewhere safe to talk.
Sometimes friends and family provide wonderful support. At other times, you may find yourself protecting the people around you, worrying that you’ve talked about your loss too much, or feeling that others expect you to be coping differently by now.
Having a space that is entirely yours can feel very different.
You don’t have to protect me from your feelings.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
And you don’t have to know what you want to say before you arrive.
How I Support You
As a Grief & Loss Practitioner, I offer a compassionate, non-judgemental space where we can explore what you’re experiencing and what you need.
My approach combines understanding and education around grief with therapeutic and coaching support, drawing upon Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, NLP, BLAST, Edu-Therapy and coaching techniques according to your individual needs.
We work at your pace.
The aim isn’t to erase your sadness or ask you to leave your loss behind. Instead, our work can help you better understand what you’re experiencing, develop ways of managing difficult thoughts and feelings, reconnect with your own strengths and resources, and gradually begin to engage with life again.
Holding Memories With Warmth
For some people, particularly following bereavement, memories can initially feel incredibly painful.
A photograph, a place or a remembered conversation can bring with it an overwhelming awareness of the person who is no longer physically here.
Over time, our relationship with those memories can change.
There may gradually be room for warmth alongside the sadness. A memory might bring a smile as well as tears. Remembering can become something we treasure rather than something we feel we need to avoid.
There is no timetable for this and no particular way you should feel.
But I believe it is possible to carry love and loss together.
Moving forward isn’t about removing sadness. It’s about creating capacity for both your memories and your future.
When You’re Ready
If you’ve found yourself reading this page and recognising some of your own experience, you don’t have to decide today exactly what you need.
A first step can simply be a conversation.
I offer a free initial consultation where you can tell me a little about what’s happening for you, ask questions and find out more about how I work.
There is no pressure or obligation to continue.
When you’re ready, I’m here to listen.